About Aizat

Aizat is a 10 years old boy. He is in Year 4. He lives in Felda Bukit Permai. His full name is Muhammad Syaqiren Aizat.

Today he is wearing a a red and black T-shirt with a tracksuit. Aizat is a naughthy boy. He likes to play in class and out the class. Every day, he runs and jump and scream. So that is Aizat.

Random Thoughts

Lama dh blog ni ditinggalkn. Sampai lupa, knapa la berhasrat untuk tulis blog ni sebenarnye? Ahaha~ Now, where should I start? Okay, I have been wondering, why am I here, am I doing something right? End up, I spent most of my 4 month being frustrated. A lot of frustration came into mind. Like, why is this place like this? Why I'm I trapped here? Am I taking the wrong course? Should I back out now and find a new future? Why am I always alone? Why can't anybody help me? Why no one understands me? That kind of stuff.

Even more, people around me have been talking here and there about making change. I thought, 'Yeah, let's do it!', but then, I made my own reasons to stop halfway. Life becomes more frustrating, maybe because I gave up too much, and I put the blame on others. I felt I know so much, this will work out and that won't work out, that I felt it's useless to continue most of my resolutions. I also felt like, this person did it wrong and I'm the only one who I right!, yet deep inside, I regretted  a lot. And all of the sudden , the world has changed. People are making progress, and I stayed stagnant. It feels like I'm the rabbit in the rabbit and the tortoise race.

So, what's with these attitudes? Yeah, horrible. Yet I believe, deep inside every one of us, although we failed so many time, we said that we want to give in many many time, no heart will be satisfied by giving up, right? Making resolutions is easy, yet retaining it is the most difficult part. Especially when we think we are alone. But the fact is, we are never alone. Yes, it's hard to make a change, even being able to change one bad attitude within ourself feels like we have used all the energy for a week, and our heart wavers when we have to repeat that deed again, made us reverted back to our old self. But somehow I realized, the moment I said I can't do it, I lied to myself. And because of that lie, I missed my opportunity. I'm just being lazy, that's all.

Yep, laziness. It should be our enemy. Because everything that happened to us, most of it is because of us.

A Tribute for a Special Someone...

Assalamualaikum.

Nampaknye inilah post pertama saya dalam BM dan bakal bercampur dengan Bahasa Inggeris. Hopefully it's much more meaningful.

Autumn break kali ini, saya mengharapkan keseronokan di tanah Gold Coast, tempat ramai manusia bergembira mencabar diri dan merasa seronoknya takut dengan rides-rides yg ada. Yep, I was satisfied that I could fight my fear of height. I was proud of myself when I was in Movie World for feeling nothing, I thought life will last forever. Until the next day, when I opened my facebook account in the morning, I found out that someone that I knew had passed away. And I thought, what the heck am I.

I was shocked, surprised, and more surprised when I knew how she meet The Creator. My tears wouldn't come out, her face, her voice was in my head, my memory with her keep on playing in my head, honestly, till now. True, the way she met The Creator was contoversional, people made lots and lots of speculation and the picture of her dead body was everywhere made me feel uneasy. They don't know who she was, and I'm here to tell.

Sahabat saya tu, saya tak rapat sangat pown dengan die. Percakapan die sangat lemah lembut, pemalu dan sampai sekarang, saya tak mampu nak buat perbandingan die dgn siapa-siapa sebab 'she is one in a million'. Saya satu sekolah dengan die dari form 1 sampai form 5 dan kami budak asrama. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, saya satu kelas dengan die masa tingkatan 3. Kenangan yg paling sy ingati ialah, satu hari, die ajak saya teman die pergi hospital. Saya masa tu memang agak terjal, ikut jep tanpa byk tanye, sbb malas nk pergi kelas. Dah la dengan gembira shopping makanan kat hospital (budak asrama bila tetiba kluar dari asrama). From that day, she's my inspiration.

Die cakap, die nak berubah. Die nak kuatkan suara die bila bercakap, sebab die rasa suara die terlalu perlahan. Die nak ubah diri die jadi lebih peramah, dan sejak hari itu, die berubah dan saya sangat gembira dengan perubahan itu. I know, among us friends in the same batch, some of us know about this and most of us were happy for her. Die nampak lebih gembira, die pandai buat lawak. Lawak die xpernah menyakitkan hati, dan saya serta sahabat-sahabat baik saya sangat2 amazed dan gembira bila die buat lawak. I was so amazed and I know, she worked very hard. I was very happy with her changes.

Bila waktu pjk, barulah kami tahu, she's very good at sports. Dahlah waktu tu main touchdown rugbi (x ganas mane pown sebab perempuan2 jep main). Rasa sangat seronok, dan sangat2 amazed. She smiled more and I know my friends were happy for her as well. Klau tanye pasal pergaulan dgn lelaki dan perempuan, die sangat menjaga pandangannya. Saya teringat cerita seorg kawan skolah tentang sahabat saya ni, "kalau die cakap dengan kau, die tak pandang kau pn. Die pandang dinding kat belakang kau". We laugh when we heard that, but again, I was amazed, because I failed to do that.

Dulu, masa zaman jahiliyah, saya tak terlepas dari berkata tentang keburukan org lain. Tapi, sahabat saya itulah satu-satu nya yang saya dan rakan2 xde idea pn nak mngumpat ape. Boleh juga jadi kami tak sanggup nk mngumpat tentang die sebab die terlampau baik, tapi, memang tak ada apa untuk diumpatkan.

Waktu form 4, die pernah conduct roll call pelajar aspuri. Again, again and again, I was amazed with her will to change. Saya tahu, bukan saya seorg yang rasa macam ni, tp sahabat saya tu merupakan orang yang saya akan rasa sangat excited bila berjumpa dgn die, because she seemed happier and her changes inspired me. She had been fighting with herself for so long, and I saw her winning. Even when my best friend Mira-chan tell me about her (she's in UPSI as well), I got excited and I wish to meet her.

Too bad, Allah didn't grant my wish. To be honest, til today, I still wish that what I knew is a dream. I still can't fully accept this news. What I wished so much is that all bloggers who wrote about her remove the picture of her dead body. Rather than wishing, I beg all bloggers to posted her story to please, please, please delete the picture of her dead body. I know, the picture might not mean anything to most people, but for us friends, we feel it is not right. Apatah lagi perasan keluarga Allahyarhamah, pasti akan lebih sedih. I did nothing to help her when she was alive, I wish I could to something to lessen her family's sadness.

Bila terbaca post ni...

"Pada mulanya sangat tak dapat nak menerima kenyataan perkara ini berlaku..
tapi lama-kelamaan, sedar bahawa diri ini seorang Muslim
dan pemergian seorang sahabat haruslah direlakan...
Kerana pemergiannya adalah untuk bertemu Tuhan yang Esa...
Diriku disini akan sentiasa mendoakanmu,merinduimu dan sentiasa mengingati jasamu.." Cai-chan

Terasa macam dilempang-lempang... Thanks Cai-chan, may Allah let us meet again.

I want the world to know that I believe in her. Firmly. I wish everyone believes in her too. I love her, and I missed her as well. I know, all her sahabat feel the same. She's my inspiration and will always be. May Allah forgive her and May Allah forgive us. Al-Fatihah untuk Allahyarhamah Fatimah Mina bt. Md Juferi.

Now I felt Maher Zain's song, So Soon, is so meaningful. I really want to shed my tears for her, I wonder if I get to do it one day. Tapi kalau tak menangis itu lebih baik, tak perlu la kan..

Other people might less likely think~

I can't sleep..

So I've been thinking of ways to fall asleep..

And now, I'm no longer sure how I used to fall asleep..

I've forgotten how to fall asleep..

How do I fall asleep?

How do I make my way into slumberland?

If you stop and think about it..

What is sleep?

When we close our eyes, we're just shutting our eyelids..

Our eyeballs are still darting around..

It's completely dark, but that's because we're looking at the inside of our eyelids..

It doesn't mean we're asleep..

To prove it, if you close your eyes during the day, it's completely red..

What did I do with my eyeballs if I want to fall asleep?

Should I just stare at the inside of my eyelids?

Or should I look up? Or down?

And do we breathe with our mouths when we sleep?

Or with our noses?

Or do we breathe in through our mouths and out through our noses?

Should I cross my arms?

Should I leave them at my sides?

Outside the blanket?

Inside the blanket?

How should the pillow be placed?

Face-up? Face-down?

I can't sleep..

I don't feel like sleeping at all..

Was it this hard to fall asleep?

Did we go through such an ordeal every night?

What is sleep again?

I feel more and more awake..

What did I do?

At this rate, I'll never fall asleep for the rest of my life..

Taken from Gintama Episode 153 - Sleep helps a child grow..

Hehe~ It's an interesting episode and I'm amazed with Hideaki Sorachi-san for being able to think all of these~ (The dialogue about sleep)... Well, it has been Cai-chan's favourite episode and it made me shed tear and caught off guard.. Wink2*

That's all~

I'm right behind You~!

BRAVE HEART~

もしもし～

This will be a short post anyway. Recently, I've always felt like running away from everything. Of course, I felt bad and I know I shouldn't do this. Most of the time I felt annoyed and by the time I realized, I've missed most of the precious time by doing nothing. Even now, I know that I have to do something, but I did nothing. Maybe I did something like trying to make meaning of the Japanese songs I listened to, and I came across thing song. I've listened to this song many many times before, but today, I decided to keep it with the translation in this post.

Brave Heart - Nerdhead ft. Kana Nishino

Translation

I realize the reason why I’m crying these tears
But I’ll overcome them, right now I’m looking up towards the sky

I can feel those feelings beside you
When we are together, they even become stronger
When I seem to eventually lose myself
Believe yourself, believe

Let me flashback my life
Just like an instant is truly eternal
I showed various expressions and I tried to smile
Most moments my heart is painful and I wanna cry
I was crying inside my eyes
You behaved and were strong enough not to show tears
It is there if it stops once but games over

I feel that there isn’t a second chance anymore
And every day I think about that fear
The ideal I had is far from the heart
Surely everyone in this life comes together
Even if it's painful, I'll endure its trials and become strong

It’s going to take time but
I’ll take the chance to the last
Believe in yourself and just take a little step
Don’t worry you will not be alone anymore

I can feel those feelings beside you
When we are together, they even become stronger
When I seem to eventually lose myself
Believe yourself, believe

I realize the reason why I’m crying these tears
But I’ll overcome them, right now I’m looking up towards the sky

Don’t run away

The rainbow towards tomorrow cannot been seen if you run away
(Don’t let it fall, Let’s go)

The heart feels like it is crushed (sometimes)
Because before your eyes face reality, you run away, (That’s why, That’s why)
It is an impossible thing the way it is now
And though I understand it, I can’t change it (Kana)

But when you're by yourself
Don’t tell a lie
(Hey, let it flow)
You can start walking again

Even when I am harsh, you show courage
(Keep go on and on)
You’re always beside me

I can feel those feelings
When we are together, they even become stronger
When I seem to eventually lose myself
Believe yourself, believe

KEEP ON TRYIN’ ( Just try )
TRYIN’ ( and try )
JUST TRY(ippai mo hitori janai)
KEEP ON TRYIN’ ( TRY TRY )
TRY TRY
AND TRY not to lose ground by running away, you got to FIGHT BACK
To the top (to the top) from the streets (from the streets)
I’ll Try and Try (I’ll Try and Try) (TRY TRY)
Don’t lose one’s time, you can change and have some life (LIFE)

One life, failure after failure is life but once more we want to laugh at the end
I shine together we’re Fly’in to light
There won’t be a tomorrow without trouble
As for all times, wouldn’t everyone say there are mountains and valleys?
How can there be level roadways if I already stumbled over them once before?

I stand up again and begin to walk
How many times must I crawl even as I run and run after losing my breath?
When I don’t advance, life is a battle
You are your greatest rival

lalala I don’t miss the eyes of life
lalala life…my life

Failure after failure is life but once more
You can start walking

I can feel those feelings beside you
When we are together, they even become stronger
When I seem to eventually lose myself
Believe yourself, believe

I can feel those feelings beside you
When we are together, they even become stronger
When I seem to eventually lose myself
Believe yourself, believe
 

Don’t run away

The rainbow towards tomorrow cannot be seen if you run away 

Taken from http://makikawaii-jklyrics.blogspot.com/2010/02/nerdhead-brave-heart-feat-kana-nishino.html

Personally I think it's a great song. だからシャプ、今から、歩き出すして下さい。逃げらない。

That's All~

じゃあ、またね～

心の言葉。。。

Assalamualaikum and　こんばんは～

Yeah, I can see that this place is dusty... 久しぶりだね～Since I'm learning Japanese, I'm going to use quite a number of it. Hehe~

I've tried to make a steam bun today. To be exact, it was just now. How did it turn out? I tell you, it's utter disaster~ Haha~ As I was googling about how to make steam bun, I learned that we could make a lot of shape out of the dough. For example, bunny, porcupine, peaches and etc. etc. I tried to make bunny shapes bun it became hamsters. I don't really mind and put choc chips as the eyes (yep, I know it's kinda idiotic). Happily, I steamed it. It turned out the hamster became flat and the eyes were just like the tears of blood. Poor cute hamster become ugly after sauna (I don't even dare to look at it more than 5 seconds). Looks like I have to eat them by myself, because it's too ugly. Plus, I think I've killed the yeast in the dough by putting hot water in it. Well, my hands were too cold that I think it's lukewarm and ignoring the puffing water vapours that came out from the water. Silly me.

It's a good experience anyway. Yesterday, I've kinda managed to make the infamous Melon Bread (メロンパン）and though that Allah will grand my wish again today. Nah, Allah made me learn something this time. Sure it is kind of sad, especially after looking at the ugly flat hamster with 'bleeding eyes' and 'burst stomach'. I was thinking of not doing the steam bun ever again and kind of reflected something similar. 何ですか。

はい、はい。日本語の勉強です～It's about studying Japanese. To be honest, compared to last semester, this semester's Japanese is much much MUCH MORE tougher. I am lost right now especially with the kanji （漢字）. We are now in week 8, every week, we will learn 12 kanji (Chinese characters) every week. I've only memorized until week 4 the meaning of the characters. Starting week 6, I couldn't even memorize the character itself. I'm sure lost as I've been left behind. If I don't have to study much last semester, but this sem, it's different. There was even a day that I felt so bored learning, and it's the first time I felt that way in Japanese class. Sure, my grades had dropped drastically, there was also several blank spaces everytime I answered my class quizes. It was sure a great culture shock. I even think of giving up.

However, my happiness came back today. I don't really care about how much I've been left behind. I'm so happy that today, I've learned some new about Japanese. I realized, I really love this subject. I've decided, I am going to use every chance that I have to learn this language.

I remembered that someone said liking something too much is not a very good thing to do. That time, I hadn't really thought about why I was so determined to learn this language, and why I like it very much. Today, I am sure, what I like is actually what I've seen in the Japanese anime and drama. The values that had been portrayed in the Japanese drama and anime are the things that attracted me the most. Even the Japanese lyrics attracted me to this language. So, I became curious, and kept asking why and how (all the WH questions)?

Why the Japanese directors want to portray that value? Where did they learn it? How could the mangaka think about that values? Why are they so intelligent? Aren't they just mangaka's who are busy with their deadlines? What/Who are their inspiration? and etc. etc. etc. Most of the time I really want to understand what the directors/ mangakas want to portray to the extend I think reading subtitles become a hindrance.

Most important, I want to know why we didn't become like that. Aren't we Muslims? Allah had taught us everything in the Quran, but why can't we portray that? They are not Muslim, but why do they value friendship more than us, why do they value lives more than us? From where did their strength come from? Why are they willing to do that? I've met Kak Linda who is living in Japan for 8 years last winter, and she approved, the values that I saw in the drama are the Japanese culture. I've been saved by Allah many many times through the animes/dramas. That's why, I have no choice but to learn this language. Peace~

I just want this post to be a reminder if I think of dropping out this language. Plus, no matter how ugly the reality that I will learn in the future, I should not give up. Similar to the steam bun, maybe I should try to make it again next time. Everything ends once we give up.

Alright~ That's it for today~

じゃあ～またね～

Nothing much~

Assalamualaikum and Moshi2~

Recently, a lovely parcel came to me. Well, not that lovely as I have to pay for it. Uhuk3... But I'm really happy with it~

Yep... It's me in the parcel...

Wondering what the heck is that? That is what human call, Pen Tablet. Ohohoho~ It functions like a mouse (PC mouse not mouse mouse) but the different is we will use the pen to move the cursor. Suitable for sketching (amature sketchers as professional one will use tablets that are way more expensive that this) and signing documents in PC, laptop, etc etc etc. Of course, this is the cheapest that I could find.

Next~ Thanks to my brother Hadri for giving me lots of links for colouring tutorial, I found out that my previous colouring was really hideous. That time, I haven't bought the tablet yet, so using the PC mouse, I made a little bit modification on the previous picture.

Ne.. This is a little bit, right?
New colouring technique using photoshop... I learned from this link.
http://photoshoptutorials.ws/photoshop-tutorials/drawing/how-to-create-an-anime-artwork-in-photoshop.html
It's pretty easy but confusing as we have to keep changing layers making the neatness miserable.

Next~ I drew a new picture, as if the character is wearing a hijab. Ohohoho~

Thanks to my brother again for introducing SAI paint. It's easy to make the outline using this software. But I don't really know how to colour yet using Sai, so I use photoshop... The pen tablet is sure handy~

Creepy huh?

Last but not least, using Mira-chan sketch, I try to colour using Sai. Sorry Mira chan, I know that the original sketch is much better that this. After all, there are things that only you could do... So, It became like this.... Honestly, its easier using Sai than photoshop, and having a pen tablet sure is a bonus...

Ahahaha~ I know I know. I have to practice more especially on the shading and smaller details. For those who interested, don't give up~! You can search for many website tutorials on how to sketch, colour either using Sai or photoshop online~

That's all for today~
Jya~ Mattane~

Lalala~ -.-''

Assalam and Moshi Moshi~

Not much for today's post. I just want to post my first colouring experiment~ Taraa~~~

I definitely have to practice more on the shading... And the background, well, I've lost my pencil case so, I don't have any stationery to let me draw something... Credits to my brother Hadri for giving me the link on how to colour using photoshop... Hontou ni Arigatou~

Interested? Here's the link~
http://www.melissaevans.com/tutorials/colouring-line-art/1

It's really helpful~

That's all for today~
Jya~ Mattane~ (I heard a Japanese saying this in front of me, so, probably this is the correct one.. hehe~)

Learning in Macquarie~

السلام عليكم~ (Assalamualaikum)
こんいちは～ (Konnichiwa)
and hello everyone~

I was just playing with the letters and happy with it...

Alhamdulillah... It has been a week of attending classes and I'm trying to get use to the new environment. So far, I enjoyed the classes, being able to laugh when others laugh... though most of the time staring at the lecture's face trying to understand what is he/she is saying. Okay, I admit. I understand literally what they said, but semantically (<-I wonder if this is correctly used) I don't really get it.. Hehe...

So what's the catch this sem? Jeng jeng jeng~

Ohohoho~ I'm so happy that I manage to take this course as my elective~

What's so interesting about it?

We have weekly online quiz~~~~
Weekly tutorial quiz~~~
A class test~~
Individual speaking test~
Group speaking test..
Examination... and...
Homeworks...

Uhuhuhu....

Ura: You're giving up already?

At first, I'm not very sure about it my self. However, after trying to memorize all the hiragana within 48 hours, Alhamdulillah~ I manage to read hiragana texts now~ yep... like a kindergarten student... (and my head almost burst)

Well, somehow I realized that I really love Japanese language and InsyaAllah I'll put my heart and soul to learn this language... You shouldn't waste the chance given by Allah, right?

Not only for Japanese language, InsyaAllah, I'll try my best studying here...

That's all for today~

さようなら～(Sayonara... I'm not sure when to use Mattane thus, I'll use this for the time being...)

Anything~

Assalamualaikum, Konnichiwa and Hello Everyone~!

Happy New Year~~~~
Ura: That's waaaayyy too late...

Happy Chinese New Year~~?
Ura: That's too, late...

Salam Maulidur Rasul???
Ura: That's not too late... Salam...

Ohohoho... It seemed that I've been in a pretty long hiatus due to very limited access to the internet. Thus, I'm happy to tell that my first post in 2011 is done in Sydney~ Hurray~~~ (Q: What's the motive of being happy? A: Dunno...)

As you can see, it's the new layout. Is it nice? I think so, but lots of buttons went missing and I don't really know how to fix them. So, maybe I'll try it later. Sorry if it's inconvenient... Hontou ni gomenasai!!! (90 degree bow)

I've planned to post something before, but you can see that the plan is a complete failure. Nahh... Nothing important... Just want to show my first sketch of the year. I daydreamed that I was one of the character from Fairy Tail and this is what I manage to draw.

I don't really have the time to use the scanner, so I snap it using my phone camera...

Next, together with B. Ed TESOL Cohort 2 3rd Cycle IPG Kampus P. Pinang students, we departed to Sydney on the 10th of February. Well, to be exact, we departed on the 11th of February midnight.

I would like to thank some people for sending me off~

1) My parents of course~Thanks for everything Mama and Ayah~ Driving to KLIA, then straight back home must be tiring ne? Love both of you~

2) Mira-chan, Cai-chan and Apis Kamit (not in the pic)~
Mira-chan and Cai-chan arrival was a huge surprise~ Thanks Mira-chan for the trouble coming from UPSI, Cai-chan from UIA (Cai-chan even had an important exam the next day!) and Apis Kamit, who came straight after work (He's a MAS junior technician). Thanks a LOT!!!

Next, trip to Sydney~ I'll just show some of the pic okay? Visit my FB page for more~ (sape la nk tgk gmba die tu kn?)

Thanks seagulls for loving us~
Seagulls: You've paid us right?...
Ehehehe~

Thanks to the Seniors for guiding us~

That's All For Today~
Mattane Deshou~

Erm... Lalala?~

Assalam to Konnichiwa~

Hait... 'Last post' de wa nai...

Ura: Uso darou....
Omote: Iyada!!!

After several years living without a scanner, Ayah suddenly decided to buy us one. It's actually for MUV matters. But then, Ayah gave me the permission to use it anytime~ Yay~! I'm so happy~! Why? Because I'm definitely going to use it wisely~ Taraaa~~~

Art No. 1~

And No. 2~

I'm pretty bad at drawing MEN... and I'm still learning... So, please excuse the ugliness...

(credit to my little brother Hafiz for 'allowing' me to sneak in his room and 'borrow' several manga's.. heee...)

Ura: Wow... you use it 'very WISELY'...
Omote: ehehehe~

Haha~ Because of the scanner, I manage to move a step forward in sketching/drawing manga like characters (I guess)~

Next, I hope that I could buy a tablet so that I could colour the pictures that I've drawn using Photoshop...

That's all~
Mattane Deshou~

^_^~

Can't think of a title actually. Hehe~ I guess this is my last post of the year before my internet line is terminated. Huu... Alright~

Dare ka na? Presenting... My besties~ (I guess most of us know already)
Cai-chan to Mira-chan~

Yep, tanah bertuah SMKA Maahad Muar lah yang menemukan kami (x bleh blah tol ayat). hehe~ I've known Cai-chan for about 8 years and Mira-chan for 5 years. I think it's a miracle that we could be so close though actually we are far away to one another. I'm staying in Batu Pahat, Johor, Cai-chan in Shah Alam, Selangor and Mira-chan in Kuantan, Pahang. We further our studies at different places as well. So, after we ended school, I could only contact them through phone and YM. Our friendship started as the three of us have the same interest. Watching anime, reading manga and sketching. But then, as time passed by, we're getting closer and closer to each other.

Therefore, Cai-chan to Mira-chan, hontou ni hontou ni HONTOU NI ARIGATO for always be there for me, accepting me as I am. Arigatou. Arigatou. Arigatou. I felt like saying Arigatou to them for the rest of my life. Haha~ Honestly, if I were to choose whose the first and the second important person among you two, I won't be able to do it because both of you are very very VERY IMPORTANT to me. I might cause trouble to both of you, telling you my problems. But then, both of you replied you feel appreciated that I trusted you. I might take your time unnecessarily, but you said that your happy to hear from me, doesn't matter if it's about my problem or my happy story. I felt the same as well, happy when you trust me. I guess this is what they call friendship?

I really love both of you and I'm really grateful to have known both of you.
Again, Arigatou~
Thank You Allah for giving not one, but two wonderful persons. InsyaAllah, I'll appreciate them for the rest of my life. May Allah strengthen our bond~

That's All~
Mattane deshou~

Untitled...

Assalamualaikum and Konnichiwa... I'm really bad at giving titles. So, just assume that it's an emo post.

Born as the first child of the family, I've been taught not to create or cause any problem. Because of that, I prefer to do things alone, as I thought that I will cause others problem if I ask anybody to help me. Therefore, I thought that I have to be stronger that anybody else to be able to do things alone. I tried to master as many skills as possible so that I won't be needing any help and I tried to fulfill as many request as possible from my friends so that they won't run into problems. I even ignored the fact that I'm a girl, thus, preferred walking alone going anywhere, thinking that my request will cause my friends trouble. Though I've had been scolded many many times about the 'walking alone' issue, I ignored them as my concern is that I should not be a hindrance to anybody. I've even 'transformed' from a crybaby to a person who couldn't cry at all even when needed, remembering someone saying that seeing me cry causing that person headache.

I'm also really bad at making decisions for others. But I'm pretty confident in what is best for me, solely, though normally I'll just obey my parents thinking that they know what's the best. However, after an incident, I'm no longer confident with my stances. Within 20 years of living, what the heck am I actually doing?

It's really painful seeing others in pain. I regret it, very very much. Seeing many hurting because of me, I could see how huge sin I have made. I'm really disappointed with myself, I could see clearly that I'm actually useless, no matter what I do, I'm just a trouble maker. We may pretend that nothing happened, but how can I pretend when it's clearly written on their faces that they are hurting. I thought that I should never been born and I wished that the incident never happened. I even thought that it's better for me to disappear. Haha.. I'm a coward who loves to run away. Then I realized, I totally forgotten about the sixth 'Rukun Iman', Believe in Allah's Qada' and Qadar, until Allah reminded me. It suddenly popped into my mind before I started praying and it made my mind calm for a while. I felt like crying as much as I can remembering about this. Allah still love His worst servant.

I followed a manga entitled 'Dengeki Daisy' until now. It's a funny manga, however, there's a confusing quote which I couldn't understand. The quote "The pain of your sin, don't you ever forget about it" makes me wonder, why would the author repeated this quote many times? Isn't it a cruel statement? But I guess, I could understand it a bit now. InsyaAllah, I'll never forget the pain of my sin as well.

Forgive me for what I've done though I don't think I should be forgiven.

That's all.
Mattane Deshou..

Tasukete Kudasai (Please Help Me)~

Minna-san Konnichiwa~

Well, I guess I have to post something today as I had a little problem. Recently, I've received a lot of 'Failure Notice' in my yahoo inbox...

The weird thing is... I DON'T RECALL SENDING ANY MAIL TO ANYONE...

I opened one of the mail... Yep, it shown that it was sent by me to a wrong mail address...
Luckily I've saved some wrong or expired mail addresses, so I could detect this thing...

So what did I sent???
In case you are wondering... Here is what says...

"hello I've learned that it's so easy to make cash on the web... check out this article i found: http://realtimenewsbe4.net">Look over that article over here"

Huh? Since when I learn how to promote cash making websites?

Being more curious... I had a look in my sent items...
WAIT!!! I DIDN'T SEND THOSE THINGS!!!

So that is it... My problem... Could anyone help me to solve this thing? I don't even know how to make complaints and blah blah blah... I don't even want to see a letter at my door, or in my mailbox telling me to be responsible for spamming... BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!

For those who received weird mails from 'me'... I'm truly sorry, and I'll try to solve this matter as fast as possible...

Yada Desu...

That's all for today... Please leave a comment...
Mattane deshou~

Doctor Heli... Starto~

Ohaiyo-gozaimasu~

This is not because I woke up early... No way... It is just that I could stop my eyes from staring at the laptop screen watching a Japanese Drama entitled Code Blue Season 2 that I'd bought yesterday evening and when I realized, I've already watched everything. Plus 'Owh, it's already 4.45 a.m.'. I'm not sure whether I should categorize this habit under the good habit or the not so good habit. Yada desu...

The Poster~!
Starring Yamashita Tomohisa, Aragaki Yui, Toda Erika... etc etc

I've watched the first season last Saturday, and I really like it. I guess the same goes to most of us who had watched this drama. Weird... It's not a love story and very little comedy, somehow, the drama is amazing. A little bit of summary, it is about four ER doctors training to be flight doctors. Meaning, instead of rescuing using ambulance, they learn to save patients by using helicopter.

I've learnt a lot from this drama and the actors and actresses are really superb. They acted very well and I'm really amazed. I finally understand a bit in what sense doctors have to be strong physically and mentally. Personally, I think the actors and actresses had portrayed the role of sincere doctors very well, which made me 'banjir' every episode especially for season 2. Yep... The main point is the drama is interesting as it made me cry... A lot... More than when I watched 1 Litre of Tears... Huhu... One way to relieve stress I guess... Gahaa~!

So, I highly recommended this drama.. Both Code Blue Season 1, SP (special) and Season 2...

If somebody has Code Blue SP, kindly share it with me~ Last time, I watched it online...

Well, this is the first drama that I manage to restrain myself from watching the last episode before the first episode ended... hehe~

That's all~
Mattane deshou~!

Todomachi Desu~!

Konnichiwa~

I'm too lazy to type...

I even haven't started my assignments... (ura: super lazy-bone)

Well, after staring for too long playing Pokemon Emerald game, I decided to 'Mute Karaoke' because I don't really dare to make too much noise.. hehe... and I encountered this song....

Title : Friends (Ending 2 Gundam 00)
Singer: Stephanie (a Japanese)



and the translation~ (in case waiting for the video to load is extremely irritating)

Having worn the same smiles
We passed through the years together
The sceneries kept changing
And we struggle to accept it

I throw away my useless pride
May kindness come to this world

I Gotta Say
Even if I show off my bravery and my strength
I can't survive alone
Our promise from that day
It remains firm in my heart, even now…

New encounters come after each farewell
I find light down a new path, and move on
Since the day I was born
That has been the way my life is molded

Before we realize it,
We have both found our own futures

I Gotta Say
Even if you're far away where I can't meet you
There's a resilient bond between us
"May our dreams come true"
I’m praying from the bottom of my heart
We’re friends forever

We vow to meet again someday
Making a pinky swear
We started to walk
Towards our unseen destination
And though we maybe lost
We're making progress
All the time…

Amidst the changing seasons
And this fleeting moments
I listen to the nostalgic melodies
Even if I become an adult
Some things won't fade away
Like our precious memories

I Gotta Say
Even if I show off my bravery and my strength
I can't survive alone
Our promise from that day
It remains firmly in my heart…

As life goes on…
I mustn't forget, Yeah
Don’t let it go…
I remember this vast land and my friends/comrade

and thus, I decided to dedicate this song to all my friends especially:~

1. Nur Shairah bt. Mohd. Tarmizi
2. Amirah Adilah bt. Mujahid
3. Diayana bt. Naharuddin
4. Nur Farhana bt. Mohd Syams Baskaran

- Thanks for acknowledging me~
- Thanks for making me feel appreciated.
- Thanks for teaching me that it's okay to be myself.
- Thanks for always be there for me.
- Seriously, I OWE YOU MY LIFE~! (which I don't have any idea on how to return it back. hehe)

For the names that I didn't mention, I apologize.

For the rest of my friends, my dearest roommate (Natrah), classmates or even schoolmates, my life won't be complete without all of you (though you only talked to me once, as long as I'm still in your memory, I'll approve you as my friends ^_^).

Each and everyone of you have taught me different lessons, experience and many more. Million of thanks for colouring my life~

I'll always cherish our bond of friendship and may Allah bless all of us by strengthening our bond~

That's All for TODAY~!

Mattane Deshou~